Let’s talk about a common belief founders often share with me:
If I’m not in control of everything, my company will fail
This mindset can be both a powerful motivator and a trap. While it drives founders to set high standards and stay deeply invested, it also creates a cycle of stress and pressure that’s hard to escape.
Does this sound familiar? You’re not alone. Founders are especially prone to what’s called the illusion of control—the tendency to overestimate how much influence you have, even in situations where other factors play a significant role. Why? Because in the past, your hard work and perseverance have driven your successes. But in the founder journey, where so much is unpredictable, trying to control everything can lead to overworking, overthinking, and interpreting every obstacle as a personal failure.
So, how do you break the cycle and let go ?
Get Real About What You Can Control
Think critically about what’s really in your control: your actions, mindset, and responses. Avoid getting wrapped up in trying to micromanage things like your co-founder’s choices, customer decisions, or investor reactions. Instead, consider the areas where you may not have direct control but do have influence, and accept that some factors are entirely beyond your reach. When you set realistic boundaries around what you control and influence, you create room to accept outcomes without tying them to your self worth.
Get Curious About Your Emotions
The need for control is often rooted in deeper emotions like fear, anxiety, or insecurity. Recognizing these underlying emotions can help you recognize when that desire for control is an emotional reaction rather than a necessity. Yet, identifying emotions isn’t always easy, especially if you’re used to focusing on action rather than introspection.
Here are some ways to help you connect with your true feelings:
- Pause and Check in with your Body: Emotions often manifest physically- tightness in our chest, a pit in our stomach, or tension in our shoulders. Taking a moment to notice these sensations can reveal underlying emotions that might not be immediately obvious.
- Name the Feeling: Start by naming a basic emotion (like anger, sadness, or anxiety) and then refine it. Asking “What’s triggering this feeling?” or “Is this frustration or is it more like disappointment?” can lead to a clearer understanding.
- Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness helps us observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment. Spending just a few minutes in quiet observation can reveal emotions that were under the surface, letting you notice them without the pressure to “fix” anything.
- Speak with a Trusted Person: Sometimes, sharing your thoughts with someone you trust—a mentor, peer, or therapist—can bring clarity.
Letting go of control doesn’t mean you’re giving up. Instead, it helps you focus where it matters. Practicing the art of letting go also opens doors for trust—trust in co-founders, employees, and, most importantly, yourself.
